


Get a better lawyer next time

by Issysolacenovak



Series: Edward Nygma's awkward love life [3]
Category: Gotham - Fandom
Genre: Cobblepot is the queen of sass, Ed Is sooo conflicted, Ed is confused, Edward Edward Edward, F/M, Jim is a grumpy child, M/M, Oswald's so gay, Penguin is definitely not jealous or in love with Edward, Zsas practices gymnastics, i was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-28 00:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12594100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Issysolacenovak/pseuds/Issysolacenovak
Summary: Ed and Oswlad press charges on one another. One killed their girlfriend, and one tried to murder the other. Guess which is which. They both take to court and have a hearing.Will they drop the charges? Will they finally just shut up and make out? Will Gordon ever realize that he's not a six year old? And what the hell is Dent's actual job?





	Get a better lawyer next time

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy my feathered friends,

“So, Mr. Cobblepot. You claim that The Riddler attempted to kill you? And Riddler, you claim he killed your girlfriend?” Harvey Dent asked, walking towards the stand.  
“Yes. Eddie shot me in the chest and pushed me into a river.” Oswald smirked at using Ed’s name.  
“IT’S THE RIDDLER! Stop doing that!” Ed snapped from his seat. Cops littered the pews. A camera was pointed at them all, broadcasting to Gotham. Oswald didn't really know why they were recording this.  
“Sorry, Edward.” Penguin smiled.  
“Stop it!” Ed pouted.  
“Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward-” Os went on and on, until the judge hushed them. They both crossed their arms like children.  
“Uh, Mr-Rid-Nyg-Ed-uh-” Dent stuttered, unsure of what he was to call him.  
“Did you attempt to end the life of Mr. Cobblepot?” He asked. Ed looked over at Penguin, looking conflicted.  
“Well, it-it was an act of love.” He defended himself.  
“I did the same exact thing! You're such a hypocrite sometimes!” Oswald huffed.  
“You took away the one I loved most! There is no excuse for that!” Ed yelled back.  
“What about Kringle, huh?” Oswald asked.  
“Shut up.” Ed hissed.  
“You did the same thing I did! Stop being so stubborn. We both hurt someone. But do I regret it?” Oswald stopped.  
“A little bit.” He said quietly. The room quieted in shock.  
“What?” Gasped Ed.  
“What?” Oswald snapped.  
“You said-”  
“Well obviously I have some guilt! I'm not a monster!” Oswald huffed,  
“And I think my punishment was good enough. You didn't do anything for like a week. And that music-God! It never stopped! I felt like I was in hell!” Oswald complained.  
“You killed my girlfriend! I think I was entitled to grieve for a while!” Ed shot back.  
“Please,” Penguin chuckled, “You would have ended up killing her. You even sent me to break up with her for you, only a day before!” Ed scowled at him, anger radiated from him.  
“We worked it out! Not that you care! You were trying to break us up from the start!” Ed shrieked.  
“Because she was horrible! She was obviously one of Hugo Strange’s experiments!” Oswald scowled.  
“No! You killed her because you were jealous!” Nygma yelled. Oswald crossed his arms, rolled his eyes at him.  
“I think I've started to regret that.” He spat.  
“Good. She was my everything, and you took her from me! You deserved a lot worse then me just dumping you in a river.” Ed scowled.  
“I think I suffered far more than anything else you could ever do to me, Ed.” Oswald seethed.  
“Say that one more fu-“ Ed threatened, before Dent cleared his throat,  
“Gentlemen, I’m confused. Mr. Nygma are you saying that Mr. Cobblepot was in love with your girlfriend?” He asked. The two looked at each other, before bursting into laughter. Jim Gordon was also laughing hysterically in the first row. Somewhere in the Sirens, Barbara, Tabs, and Butch were laughing as well.  
“I'm sorry, did I get something wrong?” Harvey asked.  
“Have you looked at Oswald?” Jim laughed. Dent cocked his head to the side, in a confused state-much like everyone else watching.  
“He's gay, idiot.” Ed rolled his eyes. Heads snapped over to Oswald.  
“Well, thanks for outing me to all of Gotham.” Oswald scowled at Ed.  
“So you were in love with Mr. Nygma?” Dent asked cautiously.  
“No, I was in love with Jim Gordon.” Oswald said sarcastically. Everyone looked over to Jim, who simply shook his head to remind everyone they were listening to the queen of sass.  
“I'm starting to become very uncomfortable.” Ed narrated.  
“You are?” Oswald laughed.  
“I think I can just wrap this up and say you're both guilty. Would The jury like to go and decide?” The judge asked. A group of people rose from a bench and left the room.  
“So, do you still love me?” Ed asked.  
“Oh for fucks sake-ask me that one more time Ed, and I will shove an umbrella up your ass.” Os growled. Ed looked at him with fear for the first time that day.  
“...do you?” He asked again.  
“OH MY GOD! Does anyone have an umbrella I can borrow?” Oswald asked the room.  
“You didn't answer the question, Pengy.” Ivy snickered from the second row. Oswald looked taken aback, before reminding himself that he was being watched by all of Gotham.  
“I'm not on trial for if I have feelings for someone. This is stupid. Can I go now?” He looked over to the judge. He was smirking. The entire room was smirking. Except for Ed. Ed’s eyes were wide, and his mouth was open a bit.  
“What?” Oswald snapped.  
“Ha, you totally still love him.” Ivy giggled.  
“Ivy, remind me again why you're here.” Oswald scowled.  
“I'm here because...uh-.” She thought.  
“Wait-Ivy?” Jim asked, looking over at her.  
“Penguin’s my older brother. That's why.” She finally said, ignoring Jim. The room looked over to Oswald once again.  
“Eh.” He shrugged.  
“How do you still love me? I shot you!” Ed snapped.  
“Wha-I don't!”  
“You totally do.” Ivy commented.  
“You're losing your tv privileges, Ivy.” Oswald warned, making Ivy immediately quiet down and sit taller.  
“I'm dropping the charges.” Ed decided on, making the room look towards him in surprise.  
“You can't do that. He killed someone, it doesn't work like that.” Jim frowned. The jury suddenly marched back into the room, one of them handing the judge a slip of paper.  
“Oswald Cobblepot is-not guilty?!?” He asked Penguin more then the jury.  
“And E-the Riddler is pronounced guilty.” The judge finished, picking up his gavel to bang.  
“Nevermind, I'm dropping the charges as well. This was fun though, maybe we can do this again sometime.” Oswald yawned, and stood up from his chair.  
“What-you-huh?” The Riddler stuttered, for once unable to speak.  
“Ivy, are you hungry? I think the squad car I was in, drove past a Chinese place on the way.” Oswald said, walking down towards the red head.  
“When have I ever not been hungry?” Ivy smirked.  
“Good point.” Is nodded, helping her into her coat.  
“Have a nice day.” He smiled to the room, before walking out, arm linked with Ivy’s.  
“So…what was the point of that exactly?” Jim asked, pouting in his seat, everyone pouring out of the room. The camera was turned off, and the judge left the room.  
“Did you learn something important, Ed?” Lee asked, stepping over to him.  
“No.” He scowled.  
“You sure?” She pressed.  
“I confirmed some things.” He shrugged, pulling on his jacket.  
“What things?” She smirked.  
“Things about Oswald.” He scowled, walking past her.  
“Go tell him!” She smiled, hopping a bit.  
“Tell him what?” Jim asked.  
“They're both so oblivious.” She shook her head.

Ed ran out of city hall, searching the streets for a certain mobster.  
“Hey!” He yelled, getting the attention of a tall redhead.  
“Ed?” She asked, as soon as he stopped in front of her.  
“Where's Oswald?” He asked.  
“Huh? Oh! He's talking to Victor. Didn't we just see you?” Ivy pointed down the alley she was blocking. Nygma didn't answer and speed walked down the alley.  
“I'm sorry things didn't work out, boss. I'm sure you two would have been very happy together.” He heard as soon as he neared to dark figures.  
“Victor! I don't love him!” He heard Oswald snap.  
“Well, that's too bad. He loves you.” Ed taunted, leaning against a wall. Oswald jumped, both men turning to the sound of his voice.  
“What? Ed?” Oswald called into the darkness.  
“And you should get better security than that redhead.” Ed lectured.  
“I'm confused, did you say you love me?” Oswald asked.  
“Yes.” He smiled, coming into Penguin’s line of sight.  
“Victor, let's talk later.” Oswald waved the hit man off. Victor shrugged before backflipping through a window.  
“Why'd you drop the charges?” Edward asked.  
“Why did you attempt to drop yours?” Oswald asked back.  
“I think you know why.” Ed smirked, drawing closer to the shorter man.  
“I was going to let you go back to Arkham originally, actually. Then you tried to drop the charges. That was idiotic, I had confessed to murder, they had it on video.” Os shook his head at him.  
“So how did you-ah. Baldy back there raise some knifes?” Ed quirked his head to the right.  
“I don't think he'd appreciate you calling him baldy.” Oswald laughed.  
“Harvey Dent, may I add, is a terrible lawyer. He had absolutely no evidence in favor of -”  
“For once can you just shut up?” Oswald groaned.  
“I don't-” Ed was silenced by Oswald groaning in frustration and slamming his lips onto Ed’s.  
“Does this mean-”  
“Shut up, Ed.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know this has no logic or real court system but whatever. I hope you enjoyed, dudes.


End file.
